The Porchester Spa London'S Best Traditional Steam Shvitz Russian Turkish Baths.Unique Shmeisse.

• Location: 

  Bayswater W2 5hs, Leeds

• Posted: 23/10/2009 12:12

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Google JAMES CRACKNELL TAKES THE PLUNGE and enjoy
LADIES CAN ONLY BE SHMEISSED ON COUPLES SESSION SUNDAY'S. ---

Also on my web site the London Evening Standard feature on Shmeissing www shmeisse.com
The Joy of Shmeissing

Reviewed below by Tom Stubbs Finches Quarterly.

No doubt you lot are the dabbest of hands at spoiling yourselves, and aux fait with all manners of pampering. I wonder though, have you even been Shmeissed? For those that haven’t, I shall enlighten.
Much speculation surrounds the origins of the practice. It’s certainly a Jewish thing, but location wise some reports site Russia as its home, others Poland or Hungary. Let’s clear things up right now by asking Lee Balch, the only registered Shmeisser in the world.
“It originates from the East End of London. All this other talk is rubbish. There’s no shmeissing in the rest of Europe. It was created here. Yes, Jews brought the idea of working on each other in steam rooms, but what goes on in Russia is called Venik, and involved twigs and leaves,” says Balch. There are no twigs in this equation. A large feathery raffia brush and a tub of soap water, yes. Also a steam room heated to 55 degrees, towels, and a bench. But no foliage.
I got shmeissed and found it a most elevating new experience. First, one soaks ones feet in a tub of Epson salts while the powerful hands of Mr Balch massages your shoulders and back in no uncertain terms. Try if you like to not make and exclamation. “Jesus!” was my preferred cry. “You bring him up so early,” says Lee, lightly mocking and enjoying the reaction. Next you lie naked on a towel lined bench in the midst of the Russian steam room. The brush is loaded with soap and then masterfully used to flay the surface of the skin. Its flicks and licks away delivering a unique, pleasurable sensation. It’s also used like a giant shammy, working up and down the expanse of flesh with some force. Manipulation of the arms takes place above your head. You’re turned over from back to sides to front.
Lee is an imposing figure. A big lad who has served in the Israeli army and British Merchant navy. His grasp on your muscles is engaging. Yielding is the only option. His hands are clever with it too, and the whole experience is pretty mad. You have to go with it as you are lathered, manipulated and eased into a soft world of froth, silky friction and engulfing heat. The dry, spiky, normal world is a distant memory as the sensation of slurping suds and delightful cleanse consumes your senses. You get hosed down with cold water, then you jump in the freezing plunge pool. You’re done. Totally released from strung out tension, and with the feeling that you just did something totally indulgent and life affirming.
It’s not just an emotional freedom. The removal of lactic acid delivers very tangible feelings of physical well being. The motion of the brush with the heat releases all manner of endomorphins. It’s addictive. Perhaps that’s why gangs of shmeissers have been working each other in “you shmeisse my back, I’ll shmeisse yours” scenarios for donkeys years. The Shmeisse gangs meet regularly and form tight groups of friends.
My man Lee sees it as a fundamental element of civilisation. “The idea of people working on each other in a hot, sweaty, safe environment is as old as mankind. It’s intrinsic to our humanity. If you can be friendly with somebody and appreciate what they’re doing, it builds compatibility. Also, the ability to give a bath and to learn to take one. You need to know how to relax and let the heat wash over you. Treat the cold water as a friend.” Allowing yourself to enjoy this pleasure, a metaphor for life, perhaps? It’s also a brilliant way of releasing pent up tensions, which is why it has such loyal devotees.
The different crews on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday have different characteristics. Lee describes the weekday mobs as masters of their time, and not as frantic and berserk as the stressed laden weekenders. There is also a mixed sex session on Sunday afternoons, where Lee’s wife has first Shmeisse. Women get shmeissed but don’t have the stamina to deliver a bath for long themselves. The celebrity shmeisse disciples are numerous, but I feel no need to bang on about them. The whole gig down here is such a purely everyman thing. It’s very much a social thing and totally linked to the scene that encompasses the spa itself. The whole place is a brilliant way of balancing modern life with ancient practices and behaviours. Far from a run of the mill luxury experience, I petition you to try it. Take a satin foamy leap of faith. Lee calls it a heavenly car wash. There are other terms of endearment used. Perhaps you need to try and find your own. As Lee puts it,
“As a stranger you see this over whelming palazzo. Then a warren of steam rooms full of people who appear to have known each other since before they were born. And then you see me, a weird figure indeed,” Lee says, unleashing his big, rumbling chuckle. Shmeissing really is from another world. A warm, blissful energising one. Immerse yourself and come out brand new.
Contact the Spa on 020 7792 3980 for more information. Lee Balch can be reached on
07973 218211.
Spa opening times:
Daily: 10.00 - 22.00
Ladies: Tuesday, Thursday, Friday Sunday (until 4pm)
Men: Monday, Wednesday, Saturday
Couples: Sunday (4pm - 10pm)


What's it like --;Like going through a heavenly car wash

I AM LICENCED BY WESTMINSTER COUNCIL. MY REGISTRATION Special treatment Reg no 05532
NO SEXUAL CONTENT
This is a traditional Jewish recognised therapy and does not entail anything of a sexual nature.
www.shmeisse.com

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Location map: Bayswater W2 5hs, Leeds